The Legend of Zelda: The Minish's Parody
by HyruleGirl9
Summary: It's The Minish Cap, but with more comedy and some slight changes to the story line. If you haven't played the game, there are major spoilers in this story. More information in the first chapter.
1. Prologue

Hello reader! I am HyruleGirl9, and I would like to thank you in advanced for reading my fanfic! Okay, so its not really a "fanfic"...more of a parody of The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap, which I do not own. Before you read, there are some things you will need to know. First of all, this is my first "fanfic" that I have co-written with my brother. Second, this "fanfic" has been on one site previous to this, and is much further...well not really more like 11 chapters ahead...anyway, if you see a name that you do not recognize that seems like a screen name, it is someone who requested a "cameo" appearance from that other site. Third, I am open to your opinions and critisism, I am not one of thoes people who wants everyone to think against their opinion and lie (feel free to flame if you really hate this thing). And finally, I will make sure to tell you about anything you may need to know in disclamers (such as the one following this chapter), but if I forget or you get confused, please tell me so that I can try to fix the problem. And without further boring introductions, I bring you, THE PROLOGUE!

**

* * *

**

**GAMEBOY  
**(_Nintendo_)

(_Nintendo_)  
CAPCOM

Music starts playing and a sword appears on screen, then flashes.  
**THE LEGEND OF  
ZELDA  
**The Minish's Parody.  
_PRESS START._

-More music starts playing.-

CHOOSE A FILE.  
-->1.  
2.  
3.

**ENTER A NAME  
**Link  
a b c d e f g h i j k l m  
n o p q r s t u v w x y z  
' - , . ( ) /  
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9  
ABC abc --- _END_

-prologue-

Narrator: -cough-Hemhem! "Long, long ago, monsters went around eating chicken wings from KFC. Until one day, the bananas asked the all powerful gods for a Dell PC with a flat screen and a Pentium 4 processor, but instead their gods sent their elves to mind control all of the coconut's tennis shoes...wait a second...**THIS IS THE WRONG BOOK**!"

-please stand by----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Narrator: "Okay, so the monsters liked to play various videogames every day, mostly the best games on every systemavaliable,and...**THIS IS THE WRONG BOOK, TOO! WHO KEEPS GIVING ME THE WRONG BOOK?** Was it you, Bill the props guy?"

Bill the props guy: "umm...maybe..."

Narrator: "**GIVE ME BACK MY BOOK YOU LITTLE**"

-please stand by-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Narrator: "Okay, this time I have it for sure! So, monsters roamed the lands of Hyrule, attacking and destroying anything or anyone that they pleased. Many Hyrulians were living in fear, hoping that they wouldn't be eaten or anything. Then one day, a really small creature known as a Picori gave a powerful blade to a child, who would would soon become a hero by slaying most of the monsters and then sealing the rest away into a chest. Ever since then, festivals have been held each year to celebrate that day. Also, the Picori all have seemed to disappear. However, legend has it that every 100 years, a door will open and the Picori can be seen again.

* * *

Note: I do not own the rights to this game, The fancy start game menu, the Dell company or Pentium 4 processors, Kentucky Fried Chicken, or anything else you could think I am reffering to but I am not. 


	2. Chapter 1: Not So Humble Beginnings

Okay, this is chapter 1, and since you should know who these characters are, I have only put in some information on who they are. If you have a problem with this, please tell me.

* * *

-**Chapter 1: Not So Humble Beginnings**-

At Smith's house(coincidentally 100 years after the last reported Picori sightings)

Zelda (you know, the princess? If you dont know who she is, then I suggest wikipedia. No, this is not an ad or I would be getting payed.)walks to Smith's house and knocks on the door. (Smith is Link's grandfather in this game. He is a blacksmith and is very old and can begrumpy sometimes. Basically he is theold fart who hates his grandson, a personality exclusive to this parody.)Smith opens the door just enough to speak to the person on the other side.

Smith: "**I ALREADY TOLD YOU! I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR CHEAP VACUUMS FROM WALLA WALLA WASHINGTON OR THE HOOVER COMPANY!"**

Smith then sees who he is talking to.

Smith: "Oh, hi there princess who always somehow gets captured, disappears mysteriously, or something else so that it cant possibly happen again this time around! Come on in!"

Zelda: "Hi Smith, do you know where Link is? I want him to go with me to the Picori festival!"

Smith: "That pathetically lame excuse for a hero is still asleep upstairs. But don't worry, I will wake him up"

Upstairs...

Smith yelling: "**LINK! WAKE UP YOU LAZY BUM, PRINCESS ZELDA IS HERE TO SEE YOU**!"

Link(The hero of the story.)drowsily: "...Sleep now, Zelda later..."

Smith: "You'll get 20000 rupees!"

Link: "OK!"

Link goes down stairs and goes into the room where Smith and Zelda are.

Link: "Where are those rupees that you promised me?"

Smith: "I didn't say I would _GIVE THEM_ to you."

Link: "Awww...**HEY**! Its Zelda! Hello there princess who I love so I stalk you and when you aren't looking take pictographs...wait, scratch that.

Smith: "Less talk, more going to the stupid festival that I am obviously too busy to go to."

Link: "**WAIT! YOUR SAYING THAT WAS TODAY?** I knew I should have checked my Princess Zelda Calender."

Zelda: "I have a calender?"

Link: "Ummmmm...why would you think that I created a calender of you and sold it on the internet?"

Smith: "Which reminds me, Link, give this sword to the minister so that the champion of the tournament can "touch" it. Even though many people(including some LoZ fans) believe that the champion should have been you, but you aren't because you were **TOO LAZY TO GET OUT OF BED THIS MORNING!"**

Link: "How did me talking about the swimsuit edition of the Princess Zelda calender that can be bought on the internet for $29.95 remind you of a sword?"

Smith: "I don't know, ask the writer!"

Hyrulegirl9: "Well, it seems to happen to me a lot..."

Zelda: "Well, now that I know Im being stalked and have secret swimsuit edition calenders made from my stalker's pictograph's of me, all I can say is...  
LETS GO TO THE PICORI FESTIVAL!"

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

* * *

note: I do not own Walla Walla Washington, Hoover vacuums, calenders, or any choice phrases that you may recognize.

note 2: Once I get a few replies, I will put up the next chapter. I am also sorry that these first few are so short, which is why I put them up at the same time. The next chapters are longer and more interesting, as these are just for introduction and all that stuff.


	3. Chapter 2: The Kung Fool

**Chapter 2: The Kung-Fool**

Link and Zelda arrive at the festival.

Zelda: "Oh My gosh! There are so many things that they are selling here that I could probably get any day of my life! HEY LOOK! There is a raffle too!"

Link: "I wonder who will win."

Raffle guy: "Lets see...the winner is PRINCESS ZELDA, BECAUSE IM AFRAID OF LOSING MY JOB! Now you can choose two out of four prizes: A heart piece, a red rupee, a **tiny shield**, and a karate suit with a guy who follows you around playing a continuous loop of the song "Kung Fu Fighting"! Which will it be?"

Zelda: "I would be a fool if I didn't pick the karate outfit, so will take that and the **tiny shield**!

Raffle guy: "WHAT? But what about the other two? Why do you want the shield?"

Zelda: **"I'VE MADE MY CHOICE, PEON!"**

Raffle guy: "...okay..."

Zelda: "Here Link, you can have this! **NOW YOU CAN BE MY SERVANT FOR ALL OF OUR LIVES**!"

Link blushing: "Awwwwwwwww, you didn't have too..."

Text: "You've got the **tiny shield**! Now you can defend from attacks using this shield that barely covers your head!"  
----

Later, outside Hyrule Castle

Zelda: "Who in the good name of our Boombox Guy is that?"

Link: "It's some guy called the "TattleTale Strangler". I tattled on him yesterday for littering near the pretty castle. It was too beautiful for polluting."

Strangler: "AND NOW YOUR GONNA GET YOURS, TATTLETALE!"

Zelda jumps in front of Link.

Zelda: "**NOT IF I, ZELDA: WARRIOR PRINCESS HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT! RAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"**

Strangler: "You fight for him, fine. You just get the first punch!"

Link: "You would hit a girl?"

Strangler: "Well, it IS in my manual."

Link: "Even if she is the warrior princess, Im in love with her and..."

A random Japanese anime sound goes off and there is a close up of Link's face.

Link: "...I cant...let you...HARM HER!"

Link is now in the karate uniform and the Boombox Guy pushes play on the boombox. HeartlessLink7 comes.

HeartlessLink7: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

HeartlessLink7 then starts dancing with the boombox guy.

Song: "Everybody was Kung Fu fighting!"

Link: **"HIYAH!"**

Censorship executive(hired by HyruleGirl9): All right you kids! This is Waaaaaay to violent and awesome for us to show. HyruleGirl9 and her brother would get in trouble if they put this kind of sweet violence in a T rated fan fiction...I think its over, lets check."

It then shows Link about to kick the strangler in a certain place(use your imagination).

Censorship executive: "**OH SWEET #&! HAVE MERCY!**...Okay, it really is over now."

Link is now standing near the strangler in his karate uniform. The strangler is now laying on the ground very beat up and for some reason, missing his left arm.

Strangler: "Okay! Okay! I give up!pants...you can pass..."

Zelda: "Wow Link...I never new you were capible of beating up a man and making him lose his left arm in a matter of a minute and a half! I guess your not as much of a pansy as Smith says you are!"

Link: "YAY! IM NOT A PANSY! NOW I WILL DANCE BECAUSE I AM HAPPY!"

Link then dances with HeartlessLink7 and the Boombox guy. Zelda sighs and shakes her head in disappointment.

* * *

Note: I do not own a Tiny Shield, the song "Kung Fu Fighting", a Boombox Guy, the Tattletale Strangler, Warrior Princesses, or any actual Censorship Executives. 


	4. Chapter 3: The Sword and the Stones

**Chapter 3: The Sword and the Stones(Part 1)**

-At the castle-

Minister: "Interesting! I see that you have finally arrived Link! And interestingly, you have brought the Picori blade with you for the ceremony! Yes, this is very interesting, indeed."

Link: "Can Zelda and I go now? Your creeping me out with your "interestingness"

Minister: "But I have other interesting things that I can interest you with interestingly!"

Link and Zelda: **"NOOOOO!"  
**

Minister: "Fine, your interesting loss."

-courtyard-

The guards place the Picori Blade back into the chest for the ceremony.

Minister: "Hey, Link, do you know what this interesting object is?"

Link while raising his hand:** "OOOHOOH! I KNOW I KNOW! **Its the Picori Blade that was used in order to lock the chest and seal monsters away! And now the champion of each tournament gets to touch it!"

Some Nintendo Guy: "Because touching is good!"

Zelda: "The only things that Link passes in school is ancient Hyrule and swordsmanship. Other than that, he is failing every other subject. They just pass him out of pity."

-flashback-

_Teacher: Ok, question number 4. Who wants to do this one? How about you Link?"__  
Link: "Okay! Lets see... 7 times 5 is...12?"  
_

-end flashback-

Link: "Haha...good times..."

A mysterious person dressed in dark clothing enters the courtyard.

Zelda: "Who is that?"

Person behind her in the crowd: "Thats Vaati, the champion of the tournament. He did surprisingly well for a kid. Link could have done better, though. But he had to sleep...**LIKE A COWARD!"**

Link walks up to Vaati.  
Link: "So you're the champion of the tournament?"

Vaati: "Yes..."

Link: "Well, congratulations! You've won the chance to touch the Picori Blade!"

Nintendo Guy: "**BECAUSE TOUCHING IS GOOD**!"

Vaati: "Hmmmm...you know, even though someone's been taking care of it and cleaning it and keeps it fixed, it looks like its been laying in the dumpster for the past 100 years."

Smith at his house: "Huh? My "Stupid Kid Is Making Fun Of My Black Smithing Talents" senses are tingling!"

Vaati: "But anyway, make way people! **NOW I SHALL TAKE OUT THE SWORD AND OPEN THE CHEST!"  
**

Guards: "No way we will let you touch that chest, Man!"

Vaati then waves his hands and the guards explode(or whatever).

Vaati: "I, as the champion, have the rights to touch that sword!"

Nintendo Guy(with a megaphone): **"BECAUSE TOUCHING IS GOOD!"**

Vaati then uses more of that magic stuff to break the Picori Blade in half.

Zelda then jumps in front of the chest.

Zelda: "**I, ZELDA: WARRIOR PRINCESS WILL NOT LET YOU OPEN THIS CHEST! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Vaati: "**SHUT UP YOU STUPID PRINCESS, AND ALL SHALL FEEL MY WRATH FOR YOUR IGNORANCE!"**

Vaati once again uses magic.

Link: **"EVERYONE! HIT THE DECK!**!"

-everything goes into slow motion as Link and all the people in the crowd jump to the ground.-

Link: **_"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_**!"

Then everything goes back to normal with motion, and everyone is fine except for Zelda and unfortunately, the Boombox Guy, who both turned to stone."

Link: **"NOOOO! ZELDA!"  
**Link starts to cry. "**AND THE BOOMBOX GUY TOO! HE WAS SO YOUNG! ITS NOT FAIR! WHHYYYYY?"**

Vaati: "And now, to open the chest!"  
Vaati opens the chest and all kinds of monsters come out and fly to different locations in Hyrule.  
Vaati: **"WHAT? ITS NOT HERE! I MUST FIND WHAT I DESIRE!"**  
**Vaati leaves (dramatically!)  
**

Link then starts running around in a circle then hits a statue andbecomes unconscious.

-later, inside the castle-

Link sleeptalking: "No, Zelda...Vaati bad...Minister "interesting"..."  
Link then wakes up.  
Link: "Phew! It was only a dream!...Wait a second...Why am I in a bed in the castle? Did I have too much to drink again?"

The king of Hyrule comes into the room.  
King of Hyrule: "Hello Link. You finally woke up, I see."

Link: "Hey kingy. Did I drink too much last night? And if so, what did I do to Zelda? I cant seem to find her...she even turned to stone in my dream!"

King: "That wasn't a dream. Zelda and your Boombox Guy turned to stone and are now next to the royal throne so that I can showcase them."

Link throwing his head into the air: "**NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**  
King: "But that's why"

Link crying: "**I MISS HER ALREADY!"  
**

King: "Oh, stop crying, you poor excuse for a hero. I need you to meet with me, your grandfather, and the Interesting Minister in minutes minutes at the throne room. We need to tell you about something."

* * *

Note: I do not own the phrase "Touching is Good", or slow motion "noooooooo"s. 


	5. Chapter 4: Chapter name too long to put!

**Chapter 4: You're Mission: Slightly With More Jeopardy(A.K.A.: The Sword and the Stones part 2)** -notice- -This is one of the longest titles I have ever thought of.-

-The King has left the room and Link is to meet him at the throne room in 5. However, Link has no watch and he doesn't know where the throne room is.-

Link: "I guess I will wait here until I think 5 minutes are up..."

Link looks around and finds a TV.

Link: "**HEY! A TELEVISION**! Lets see what shows are on..."

He then turns it to Nickelodeon and the show SpongeBob Squarepants is on.

Link: "**YAY! ITS SPONGEBOB! Everybody loves SpongeBob**!"

SpongeBob: "**_I call this one..."The Campfire Song" Song...Lets gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song...Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G-SONG! And_**"

Link: "**YAY!** This is one of my favorite episodes!"

-10 minutes later-

Link: "**I love to watch SpongeBob**!"

A random Hyrulian walks in

Hyrulian: "Hey, shouldn't you have been in the throne room like...5 minutes ago?"

Link: "**OH NO! THE KING IS GOING TO CHOP OFF MY HEAD OR SOMETHING ELSE THAT KINGS CAN DO**!...Umm...Where is the throne room again?"

Hyrulian: "All the way down the hall. It takes like...2 minutes to get there."

Link: "Thanks! **BUT YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME TWO MINUTES AGO**!"

Link takes off for the throne room at full speed...which isn't very fast seeing as he doesn't run much in his life...

-later at the throne room-

Link enters through the gimongous doors and sees the King, the Minister, and Smith near the throne looking very ticked. He also sees that on either side of the throne are statues, one of Zelda and one of the Boombox guy.

Smith: "**YOU STUPID LAZY IDIOT WHO IS TIMELY IMPAIRED! YOUR 7 MINUTES LATE TO MEET THE KING! IF WE DIDN'T NEED YOU, WE WOULD HAVE CHOPPED OFF YOUR HEAD OR SOMETHING BY NOW**!"

Link: "Sorry...its just...SpongeBob was on..."

King: "Smith, its okay. Give the boy some slack."

Smith: "Right...Slack...ruzzlefuzzlerakinfrakinstupidkidrukadafrekuda"

King: "Anyway...Link, do you know why you are here?"

Link goes into deep thought and Jeopardy music starts to play.  
-when the song ends-  
Link: "What is...**THE RING MUST BE DESTROYED**!"

Smith: "Link, you idiot, that's Lord of The Rings!"

Alex Trebek: "Oh, Im sorry Link, but that means you are incorrect! Now, lets see your wager..."

A piece of paper is removed, revealing 30,000 rupees.

Alex Trebek: "Oh, that's a lot to lose...But this means the winner is the King!"

Ken Jennings whispering to Alex: "I told you I knew the answer."

King: "Yay!...I mean, **LINK! STOP FOOLING AROUND, THIS IS SERIOUS**! Do you know about the legend of the Picori Blade?"

Link: "Yes! First there were monsters and then a Picori gave some kid a sword and that kid used it to seal all of the monsters into that chest over there and from then on, we have had festivals celebrating the event and each year there is a tournament and the champion gets to touch the Blade!"

Nintendo guy outside the window with another megaphone: "**BECAUSE TOUCHING IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD**!"

King: "This guy is annoying me...Guards, take this guy to the gallows."

Nintendo guy: "Hey! Im going to the gallows! Do I get to touch the gallows? **BECAUSE TOUCHING IS GOOD!"  
**

Minister: "Now that the interestingly annoying Nintendo representative is going to the interesting Gallows, the King is going to brief you on your interesting quest!"

King: "So anyway, we are going to send you on a mission to"

Smith: "**WAIT!** So you're saying that Pansy Boy over here is going to be sent on a quest in order to get this sword reforged by little creatures that are so minuscule that noone can remember seeing them?"

King: "Uhhhh...yah..."

Smith: "And while doing so he has to protect himself from monsters that have just been released in to the world a few hours ago?"

Minister: "Interestingly correct, sir!

Smith: "And then he has to find a way to turn our precious "warrior" princess over there and their Boombox holding friend back to normal from being stone statues that you, the king, are now using for showcaseable items?"

King: "...Yes, you could say that..."

Smith thinking to himself: **_hmmm...no annoyance to bother me for who knows how long! It will be like a vacation! Ill just give him that sword that the King requested! Then he will be on his way and I will be free!  
_**

Smith: "Here, Link! Take this sword so that you can...destroy the monsters and umm...won't get killed!"

text: "**_YOU GOT YOU'RE GRAMPA'S SWORD_**! _Now you can __**ATTACK ANYTHING THAT STANDS IN YOUR WAY**!...Oops, sorry, got a little carried away there...anyway, just press the button you assigned it to and you can attack monsters! However, you don't have any moves other than a horizontal slash because you dont have a target system! HAHAHAHAH! I mean...poor poor you..."_

Link: "Awwwww, Grampa! You don't want me to die! You do care about me!"

Link goes in for a hug and Smith pushes him away.

Smith: "What are you kidding? I don't really care if you die! The King just paid me 50,000,000 rupees to make it and give it to you within an hour! Do you think I would pass up that chance?"

Link: "Oh...Hey, I still have one question! Why do I have to do it?"

King: "Because only children can see the Picori. You are the most qualified child in this town of slacking children. Its because of your swordsmanship grade. Plus, your clothes blend in with the forest, where you will find the Picori."

Link: "So they need their privacy too?"

Minister: "Interestingly, yes!"

King: "So Link, here is a map. All the places you've gone will be filled in as you get there, so you cant lose your way unless your going somewhere new, which now that I think of it isn't very helpful...But now, **YOU MUST VENTURE TO THE MINISH WOODS AND FIND A WAY TO REFORGE THE PICORI BLADE IN ORDER TO FIND A WAY TO "SAVE" ZELDA!"  
**

text: "_**YOU GOT A MAP!** Its not that helpful because it doesn't show you how to get to where your going! Isn't that the purpose of a map though?"  
_

_  
_Link then goes to the statue of Zelda.

random text: "_There is still life in her eyes_."

Link: "That text is kind of creepy...**PICTOGRAPH TIME**!"

Link takes 50 pictographs of Zelda in different angles.

Link: "YES! YES! YES! NO! NO! NO! NO! YES! NO! YOU'RE A PRAIRIE DOG! DIG! DIG!"

Smith: "**HEY STUPID! YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE GOING SO THAT I CAN FINALLY BE ALONE!"  
**

**  
**Link: "Oops, sorry. Here, take this Pictograph Box and put it in my room for me, okay?"

Smith: "**AS LONG AS IT MAKES YOU LEAVE FASTER!"  
**

**  
**Link then starts to leave and about halfway down the hallway in the castle, the King yells something to him as if it were a movie.

King: "**REMEMBER LINK! HYRULE, ZELDA, AND THE BOOMBOX GUY ALL DEPEND ON YOUR SUCCESS!"**

Link: "And so did my school's cheerleading team at the Hyrulian Cheerleading Contest Finals, but was I able to jump around in a giant pink Cucoo suit?"

So, Link is off on his new epic quest to save people once again. But will he be able to survive the many hardships ahead? Or will the monsters open many cans of behind whoop on him while he is getting burnt in the heat of having to save two people and a town? And why the heck was he in a giant pink cucco suit on a **CHEERLEADING TEAM**? Stay tuned and wait for the next chapter of "THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: THE MINISH'S PARODY"!

* * *

-notice: I do not own SpongeBob Squarepants, Jeopardy, The Lord of the Rings, Alex Trebek, Ken Jennings, or the Hyrulian Cheerleading team or Contest. I am just using them for comedic purposes. If you don't like it, then I don't really care.- 


	6. Chapter 5: Two Heads Are Better Than One

**CHAPTER 5: Two "Heads" Are Better Than One**.

Link walks out of Hyrule town to South Hyrule field (near his house).

Link: "Okay, lets open the map...even though it only shows where I have been, it may tell me which way to go to get to where I am going!"

Link opens the map. The map shows Hyrule Castle, North Hyrule Field, South Hyrule Field, and to the East of South Hyrule Field there is a glowing spot.

Link: "Hmmm...a strange glowing spot...I wonder what it could mean ...hmmmmmmmmm...Oh, wait a second! I know what it means! It means that if I go their, I will be teleported to wherever I want to go! Hmmm...I wonder if it can take me to a restaurant because im starving! Maybe I will go to Chello's, they always have good chicken and fries!...Or maybe that Macaroni place with the bread that can feed 9 people off one loaf..."

HyruleGirl9:"Um, Link...sorry to rain on your parade but that's not one of those fancy teleportation rings...Thats where the Minish Woods are."

Link: "Really?" he then looks at the map again."Hey, wait a second! This is just 5 minutes from my house! I cant believe that I never noticed it before!"

Link then walks a little farther and finds an octorok. It then looks right at him.

Link: "AWWWWW!!! SO CUTE!!!! In a way you sort of look like a shyguy from Mario games!"

The shyguy octorock then hears this remark and spits a rock at Link.

Link screaming like a girl: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! I HAVE TO USE MY SHIELD!!!"

Even though the rock bounces off the shield, it does not hit the octorock.

Link: "HUUUHHH????? WHAT'S THE DEAL!?!?!?!? It always worked in other Zelda games! Why not now!!!!! Now lets see...how on Earth do I use this sword..."

Link then takes out his sword and holds it firmly in his left hand, which most people who played LoZ games before didnt notice until Wind Waker was almost out because they are all slow.

Link almost falling over: "OMYGOD!!! THIS THING IS HEAVY!!! WHAT WAS GRAMPA THINKING!?!?!"

While Link talks to himself like a phycotic person about how the sword is to heavy for him to hold, the octorok spits out another rock and hits Link right in the face.

Link: "OOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!! THAT HURT!!! YOU MAY BE CUTE, BUT NOW YOU MUST DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Link hits it 3 times and it disappears with a soft poof. Why cant I disappear with a soft poof?

Link: "Oh man! That was hard work! And now Im really hungry! If that octorok didnt disappear with a soft poof, I would have eaten it! But anyway...TO THE WOODS!"

Link then walks for about 5 minutes and enters the woods. In the woods, he sees more octorocks that also try to kill him.

Link: "Hey, other than all of the octorocks trying to kill me with boulders that they can spit out of their mouths, this place is kind of nice! It even makes me fell all warm and fuzzy inside!"

Link walks farther into the woods and finds green blobs.

Link: "Hey! Its those green chuchu things from my last gig! Wait a second...THAT MEANS JELLY!!!!"

Link then swallows the chuchus before they can attack him.

Link: "Mmmmmmmmm...chu jelly...that was tasty...and now I dont have to pay for dinner!"

Link then finds a stump and sits on it to digest for a while.

Link: "Wait...this stump has a hole in it! Who knows what could be in their! I guess I will get going then..."

He then walks and finds two paths beyond a puddle. One is blocked, so he takes the other. He walks about 10 steps and finds a heart piece.

text: "**_You got a heart piece! If you know what this is, your normal! If not, your either not very smart or haven't played a Zelda game before! Collect 4 of these and get a new heart!"  
_**  
Link: "All right! Hey wait...what's that over there?"

He walks to the area opposite where the heart piece was.

Link: "Hmmm...It sort of looks like a temple...except its only as large as my big toe...some kid must have left it there...oh well...I guess I will go back to the stump so I can think of what I have to do next!"

Link then arrives at the area with a stump and hears a voice screaming.

Voice: "HEEEEEELP!!! IM BEING ATTACKED BY THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE SEMI-DEMENTED SHY GUY KNOCK OFFS!!!"  
Link: "Huh? Who dares interrupt my thinking time?"

Link then finds the voice and sees two octorocks attacking a hat with a bird's head on it.

Link: "Never fear, citizen, for I, Link am...wait...where is he? All their is here is a green hat with a bird's head on it..."

Hat: "And that hat just happens to be in danger of being killed by things that came from a Mario game! Now dont just stand their, HEEEEEEELLLLPPP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

Link: "AAAAAAHHHHH!!! IT TALKS!!!!! THAT SCARES ME MORE THAN THE OCTOROCKS!!! Well anyway, I guess I will help you..."

Link kills both the octorocks.

Hat: "Thank you kind sir! My name is Ezlo!"

Link: "Hi Ezlo, Im Link! Right now Im on a quest to find the Picori so that they can fiz a broken sword so I have to go now."

Ezlo: "Wait...do you mean the legendary Picori Blade?"

Link: "Yes! Why do you ask?"

Ezlo: "I can help you find the Picori!"

Link: "YAY!!!!! Can you come with me then?"

Ezlo: "Shure!"

Link: "**HOORAY! NOW I HAVE A NEW FRIEND**!!! Come with me, **NEW FRIEND**!"

Link takes five steps.  
Ezlo: "Wait up! Im **NOT THAT FAST! I HAVE NO LEGS**!"  
Link then slows down a little, but Ezlo is still behind.  
Ezlo: "**WAIT UP!!!"**  
Link: "Why arent you that fast again?"  
Ezlo: "I just told you that I have no legs because im a hat, genius."  
Link: "oh yah...I forgot..."  
Ezlo: "You arent that smart, are you?"  
Link: "I dont know..."  
Ezlo: "You've proven my point.Link then walks again.  
Ezlo: "STOP!!! OH FOR PETE'S SAKE, YOU CANT BE THAT STUPID!!!"  
Cosmo: "Who is Pete? Someone I should know about?"  
Ezlo: "Wait! I have an idea!"  
Ezlo then jumps onto Link's head.

Ezlo: "Finally! Why didnt I think of this before?"

Link: "Hey! Your Kind of Comfy! I shall keep you on my head, new friend!"

Ezlo: "Ummmm..."

Link: "Your even comfy enough to dance it!"

Mr.Six (the old guy from six flags' commercials) comes and the music from the commercials starts to play. Mr. Six and Link then dance.

Ezlo: "What have I gotten myself into?"

HyruleGirl9: "1, you haven't even come close to seeing how bad he can get, and 2, shut up because your ruining my ending."

Link: "I AM LINK: THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!!!"

Narrator: What _HAS_ Ezlo gotten him self into? Will Cosmo find out who Pete is? Find this out and more in the next chapter!

* * *

note: I do not own Cosmo or the Fairly Odd Parents, Mr.Six, or the title "Lord of the dance". 


	7. Chapter 6: Crazed and Confused

**CHAPTER 6: CRAZED AND CONFUSED.  
**

-Previously-

Link and Ezlo are united to find the Picori. However, while on their way Link takes a wrong turn insisting it is a shortcut and gets them hopelessly lost.

-Now-

Ezlo: "I told you that the town was just near that heart piece you told me that you found, but you said **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, LETS GO THIS WAY!!!! WELL WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW???????? HUH????????"**

Link looking around seeing someone ahead: "How about we ask that guy?"

Link walks up to the person.

Ezlo: "Hello, kind sir! Do you happen to know where I can find a tree trunk with a small hole in it? Einstein here cant remember where it was and we got lost. Do you mind pointing us in the correct direction?"

Chewbacca: "**_RRRROOOOOOOOAAAAR_**!"  
Chewbacca then points right "**_RRRROOOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRROOOOAAAARRR_**"

Ezlo: "Thank you my friend, and may the tri-force be with you."

Chewbacca then nods.

Link and Ezlo then go in the direction that their hairy friend pointed them in.

-later-

Ezlo: "Finally! Now, see that tree trunk in front of us?"

Link: "Umm...yes..."

Ezlo: "Go on top of it."

Link: "Okay...but I don't see where this is going..."

Link then stands on the tree trunk. Something that seems like air comes out of the hole.

Link: "Hey! I didn't know that trunks could have air conditioning!"  
Ezlo: "Now, Link. You must hold on to me tightly."

Link: "But Ezlo! I just met you! I barely know you! I don't think I'm ready for that kind of relationship yet..."

Ezlo: "**JUST HOLD ON YOU FOOL**!!!"

Musical notes then circle Ezlo and a golden light shines from in the trunk. Ezlo then starts singing the notes.

Ezlo: "_LAAALAAALAAALAAAAAAAAA_!!!!!"

Link: "**AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! YOUR SINGING IS SO BAD I THINK MY EARS ARE BLEEEEEDINGG**!!!!"

They then fall into the trunk onto a leaf, then they exit the trunk now very very very very very microscopically small.

Link: Hey! Look at me, Im tiny!"

Ezlo: "Yes, small like a Minish. Now we can go to Minish Village."

Link: "Wait...**MINISH???? ARE YOU INSANE??? I told you I need to find the _PICORI_, not the MINISH!!!!! WHY ARE YOU BRINGING ME TO THE _MINISH_ IF I CLEARLY SAID I NEEDED TO SEE THE PICORI, NOT THE MINISH!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"**

Ezlo: "True. You told me to bring you to the Picori. You Hyrulians call them that. They prefer however to be called the Minish. That's why they call this the Minish woods. You Hylians cant take a hint, can you?"

Link: "Oh...never mind then..."

Ezlo: "So lets go already, okay?"

Link: "Ummm...which way is it?"

Ezlo: "That way, genius."

Link and Ezlo then walk and walk, until they come to the puddles that Link found in the previous chapter.

Link: "Hey! There are lakes here! Weird, they were puddles before. Well, Im going to try to go through the lake to get to where the heart piece was."

Ezlo: "Link, your small. These are puddles."

Link: "OH YEAH?!?!?! Well, I'm going anyway!"

Link goes and the second he hits the water, he almost drowns.

Link (in puddle): "**AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! SAAAAAAAVVVEEE MEEEEEEEE**!!!!!!!"

Link then ends up at the edge of the puddle missing 1/4 of his first heart.

Ezlo: "**THAT WAS PATHETIC!!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO SWIM YET**?????"

Link: "Hey, I never learned!"

HyruleGirl9 (narratively speaking): "Will Link find the Minish Village at this rate? How will he get past the puddle if he cant swim? How in the name of the Boombox guy will he do it?"

Ezlo: "Actually, the village is just around the corner. We can pass the puddle by using the lily pads. Link just doesn't have the thinking capacity to think of plans that way. You should know, you write this stuff."

Link: "**OOOOOOOHHHHH**. I knew about the lily pads, I was just toying with you!"

Link is distracted and falls into the puddle again.

Ezlo: "**YOU MORON!!! YOU ALMOST DROWNED YOURSELF AGAIN!!!!! USE THE LILY PAD!!!!! THE LILY PAD!!!"  
**  
Link then gets on the lily pad an waits for it to go around and get to what looks like a tiny village.

Link: "Hey! That's a cute looking little town!!!!"

Link then tries to get off the pad and falls in the water.

Ezlo: "This may take a while."

-45 minutes later-

Ezlo (sleeping): "zzzzzzzzzz...zzzzzzzzzzzz...zzzzhuh? What? You did it? Good! Now we have to go through this path here to get to the town."  
Link then starts walking and looks at all the things that he is now smaller than, like a twig. He then walks into an acorn, hits his head, and becomes disoriented.

Ezlo (also dizzy): "_Liiink...siince wheen weere yoou...triipleets_?"

Link: "_Anddd wheen weere yoou a siinginngg quadruuplets wweearing ddreesees_?"

They then stop to rest until they are undizzified. When they were, they continued toward the town.

-At the town-

Link: "HEY!!! THIS PLACE IS REALLY NICE!!!! Its simple, and yet beautiful at the same time!"

A group of Minish then gather around Link.

Link: "HOW CUUUUUUUUUTEEE!!! Are these the Minish?"

Ezlo: "Yes, now just"

Link approaching a Minish: "**YOU GUYS ARE CUTER THAT ANYTHING IN ALL OF HYRULE**!!! What's your name little guy?"

Minish: "Pico! Picori Picori! Cori Picori!"

Ezlo: "HAHAHAHAHA!!! THATS A GOOD ONE!!!"

Link: "**AAAAHHHH!!!! THEIR SPEAKING IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE!!!!! HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID**?"

Ezlo: "You mean you don't understand them? What did those people do to prepare you?"

Link: "Uuuuhhh...they gave me this sword and sent me on my way..."

Ezlo: "This is why I don't like Hyrulians...most of them are worthless morons with no clue about anything."

Minish: "PICO Picori Cori cori!!!"

Link: "**I AM SOOOOOO CONFUSED**!!!!!"

Narrator: "Will Link find a way to understand the Minish? Or will he just be confused some more?"

It then shows Link in a fetal position on the ground foaming at the mouth.  
Narrator: "For his sake, I hope it's the first one!"

* * *

Note: I do not own Chewy, bad singing, or Ezlo quadruplets in drag. 


	8. Chatper 7: A Barell Full of Nuts

**CHAPTER 7: A BARREL FULL OF NUTS.  
**

Link and Ezlo are trying to find just one Minish who can speak their language. They have been walking around the village for three hours.

Link: "Im...soooo...tired...from...searching!"

Ezlo: "Thats funny, because Im not tired at all!"

Link then looks strait ahead of him and sees a path on a dock with a heart piece at the end.

Link: "A...HEART PIECE!!!!"

Link then stumbles his way to the heart piece and picks it up.

Text: "**YOU GOT A HEART PIECE**! Now you have 2! Thats half of 4! You need 4 to get a new heart! Wait...didn't I tell you that before?...Oh well! I like to be repetitive and annoying! It makes life so much more fun!"

Link: "YAY!!! But even though I just got another heart piece and I healed, Im still so tired that if the wind blew I would collapse..."

Suddenly, the wind blows and knocks Link into some water. Wait...thats not good...

Link drowning: "garglegargle...you know what Ezlo?"

Ezlo above water: "Yes?"

Link: "I dont have the garglegargle strength or garglegargle will power to get garglegargle bliped back to garglegarglegargley dry land...we are going to garglegargle die..."

Ezlo: "Ummm...Link...

Link: "Yes, gargle buddy?"

Ezlo: "This water only goes up to your chest. Try standing up."

Link stands up.

Link: "Oh...sorry about that..."

Link gets onto the land near the water he landed in. He is right in front of a big fancy house made of crystal.  
Ezlo: "Hey, Link! How about we try to look for a Hyrulian speaking Minish in that big fancy house made of crystal?"

Link: "Yah! Someone with enough money to afford a big fancy house made of crystal has to know something! Unless they are a celebrity!"

Link and Ezlo then go into the big fancy house made of crystal. I love saying that. Inside the house is also made of entirelly crystal walls, pillars, toilets, balloons, water, and even a statue of a giant cucoo made of white crystal. At the other end of the house was a Minish who was slightly larger than the rest and had a big hat that was blue...and most likely made of crystal. How much money does this guy have? I wish I had enough money for a crystal hat the size of my entire body...

Link to Minish: "Excuse me, but do you happen to speak Hyrulian?"

Minish: "Actually, yes! Who are you?"

Link: "**HOOOORAYYYY!!!! FINALLY I CAN STOP SEARCHING AND REST!!! I COULD EVEN TAKE A NAP OR SOMETHING**!..."

Link then falls asleep standing up, like a cow.

Ezlo: "Festari, its me, Ezlo! This boy here is...**WAKE UP YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING!!!!**"**  
**  
Link wakes up.

Link: "Ummmmm...sorry?"

Ezlo: "Anyway, this boy here is Link. I think he is the one that Hyrule sent because of Vaati. The thing is, they have not taught him how to speak in Minish..."

Link almost falls asleep again but Ezlo pecks him on the forehead, causing him to scream holding his head. His eyes also start to water.

Festari: "Your kidding Ezlo! Those fools have no idea how to prepare people for epic quests, do they? Last time we even had to supply the sword!...This one has a sword, right?"

Ezlo: "Yes! His grandfather made him one and the other...Link, show him the Picori Blade."

Link: "Why cant I just take a nap and we discuss this later?"

Ezlo: "**JUST SHOW HIM THE PICORI BLADE YOUR MORON!!!!!"**  
Link: "Fine."

Festari: "This is Hyrule's most qualified swordsman?"

Ezlo: "Sadly...yes...They sort of demean all life if you ask me. One of the kids their walks around with three foot snot hanging off his nose from what I heard."

Link then shows Festari the broken sword.

Link: "Here. But its broke. Do you know how I can get it fixed?"

Festari: "You should ask our Elder, Gentari. But first you need a Jabber Nut."

Link: "No thank you, I brought my own nuts incase I wanted a snack. But thanks for the offer!"

Festari: "No, the Jabber Nut. If you eat it, you will understand Minish!"

Link: "Cool! Where can I find it?"

Festari: "Well, I know there is one in a barrel house just south of here."

Ezlo: "Link, to the barrel house!"

Link: "Can you go without me? I want to stay here. Its pretty in here and I feel peaceful and calm...Maybe its all the crystal. Also, I would like a short nap."

Ezlo: "Link...im a talking hat with a head that looks like a bird. I have no legs. And unless I somehow sprout...wings or something, I have to stay on your big round not filled with a brain head."

Link: "So your answer is..."

Ezlo: "Your coming too."

Link: "Awwwww..."

Festari: "Here, drink this Link. It will make you re-energized. Like Gatorade or Red Bull, or soy sauce!"

Link then drinks the energy drink and feels better right away. He then runs out of the house.

Later, near the barrel shaped house...

Link: "Hey, Ezlo...Thats where the guy told us the Jabber Nut would be!"  
Ezlo: "Ummm...Link...are you okay? You seem different..."

Link: "We have to get into the house!"

He tries the door but it is locked.

Link: "Hmmm...the door is locked...Ill have to go in through the roof!!!"

Ezlo: "**LINK!!! YOUR RIGHT!!! I CANT BELIEVE IT!!**!"

Link: "Ill just sneak on the side of the house to get to the ladder to the top of the roof!"

Ezlo: "I...I dont know what to say!"

Link starts sneaking on the sides of the house to get to the ladder. Suddenly everything gets dark and searchlights are everywhere.

Ezlo: "Link...do you know what to do?"

Link: "Yup! I will have to avoid all of the searchlights by going into "stealth mode", in which I am stealthy enough to avoid all of them! I will also have to move slow so noone hears my footsteps..."

It then starts raining.

Link: "Yes! Its raining! The perfect cover for my footsteps!"

Link then avoids all of the lights and gets to the ladder to clime to the roof. But, while at the top of the ladder, he notices two guards who are both armed with guns. And arms, of course. Both are facing in the opposite direction that Link is coming from while protecting a way down into the house.

Ezlo: "Oh no! What will we do now Link?"

Link: "Hmmmmmmm...I know!"

Link then takes out his sword and sneaks up to one guard. He then covers the guard's mouth and stabs him with the sword. He then sneaks up to the other, puts him in a hold with the sword to the guard's neck and starts to interrogate him.

Link: "Okay, punk. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Or the medium way. Or the semi-hard with a touch of easy way. Or the Broadway. I want to get into this house without ending up triggering alarms, attacked by guards, or girl scouts trying to sell me cookies."

Guard: **"...OKAY! ILL TELL YOU!!! THAT TRAP DOOR HAS A LADDER AND WILL LEAD INTO THE HOUSE! THEIR IS ALSO NO SECURITY! HYRULEGIRL9 JUST HAS THIS SCENE BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT A STEALTH GAME PART WOULD BE COOL!!!NOW PLEASE LET ME GO!!! I HAVE A FAMILY!!!"  
**  
Link: "Well then, I want you to open this door. Then I want you to run as far away as you can. If I see you here again, you may end up like your buddy over their."

He then opens the door and runs away. The scenery goes back to normal.

Ezlo: "Im speachless Link!"

Link then goes into the house via ladder.

Inside the house, Link sees a Minish at one end and boxes blocking the Jabber nut at the other.

Link: " Now I have to move the boxes to get the nut!"

Ezlo writing in diary: "_Dear Diary, This was a wonderful day for Link! I think he may have made a breakthrough!"  
_  
Link: "Or...Is that just what they **WANT US TO THINK**!?!?!?!"

Ezlo: "...what?"

Link: "I will just sit down here and think about what I should do."  
Link then gets in a pose like the Thinker statue.

Ezlo in diary again: "_Dear Diary, never mind. Link's back to his normal stupid self. I think that the energy drink had something in it...like Tylenol...Or maybe he just got a "visit" from that Beer Goggles again. He told me all about him when we were lost in Minish woods. Something about drinking and whenever he drinks too much the guy comes...He even got into this long winded speech about what happened one night with him and Princess Zelda...I will be having nightmares about that for years...but anyway..."_

-2 hours later-

Ezlo in diary again: "_And thats what he told me about kissing an octorock_."

Link: "**I'VE GOT IT!!!"**

Ezlo: "Hmmmmmmm?"  
Link: "Ill move the box to the side and then eat the nut with a funny name!"

Ezlo: "Finally!"

Link moves one box to the side. He then gets the Jabber nut and eats it.

text: "**YOU ATE THE ****JABBER NUT!!! Now you can understand Minish! It only took you...3 hours!!! Even though you could have made that hat actually do something and translate for you! YAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!"  
**  
Link then goes to the Minish near the door.

Minish: "Hey, now you can understand me!!! AWESOME!!!! But anyway, Ill unlock this door to my house for you. Oh, and Festari told me to tell you that once you get the Jabber nut, you need to see the Elder. But...ummm...are you feeling okay?"

Link: "Yes, why?"

Minish: "Because you just went from stupid to smart to stupid from a energy drink and then you ate a Jabber nut without waiting 5 hours first...and now your turning purple..."

Link: "Really? Well, thats okay. I like being purple! Its one of the prettiest colors!"

Minish: "Okay, suit yourself. Ill see you later, I guess. Oh, and the Elder lives at the house at the North West side of the village. You should go now."

Link: "Okay, see you later!"

Link and Ezlo then leave.

Minish: "That is the weirdest Hyrulian Kid I have ever seen...He's worse than that three foot snot kid I saw when visiting my cousin..."

* * *

NEXT TIME ON LOZ:TMP, Link meets the elder of Minish Village, but theirs something odd about this old man...or maybe he's just really old.

* * *

Note: I do not own Gatorade, Red Bull, soy sauce, Tylenol, Broadway, Girl Scouts, Beer Goggles, or any kind of stealth action game. Unless you count the levels from Wind Waker. Now that I think of it, I don't own anything... 


End file.
